Lesson #3: Getting Your Head In The Game

This post is devoted to some of the emotional and mental tools you will need in order to be an overachiever at underachieving.

In order to prevent yourself from being buoyed up out of your loserly mindset by the passage of time or the innate human desire to seek a more fulfilling existence, you will need to set up an energy-saving feedback loop and it all starts with low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem feeds back on itself like a serpent consuming its own tail, leading you to deeper and deeper levels of fruitlessness and poor personal habits.  Your lack of motivation and poor personal habits produce lower self-esteem and so on and so forth until one day you find yourself on a plateau that some people call "rock bottom" but I prefer to think of it as that spot in the couch that somehow retains the shape of your reclining body even after you've left it.  You've worn a groove into your personality and it plays the lullaby of low self-esteem over and over again.

Instead of being like riding a bicycle, learning to devalue yourself is more like swinging on a swing set, or falling down the stairs.  Fortunately, friends and family are often more than willing to give you a push.  It especially helps if you surround yourself with individuals who like to criticize your appearance, ethnicity, mental aptitude, habits, dietary choices, sense of humor, taste in music, recreational activities, or anything else that makes you human.  If you lose your way temporarily and begin to regain feelings of esteem for yourself, these people will eagerly jump in and save the day with helpful comments which you can then internalize and use to extract and eliminate your sense of self-worth, no matter where it tries to hide within your psyche.  These people also make excellent targets for assigning blame later (see Lesson #2:  Assigning Blame). 

Some people will have to try harder than others to master the art of sucking at life, others, have a natural talent for it, but you, too, can hone the skills necessary to make you a world-class loser, just like me.  All it takes is an unwillingness to learn and a negative attitude.  Remember, you, too, are doomed to fail!

best,
LoserGirl